SearchCalendarFAQHomeGalleryRegisterLog inMemberlistUsergroups

Share | 
 

 Just to Write

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Admin
Admin


Posts : 100
Join date : 2015-05-14

PostSubject: Just to Write   Mon Jun 01, 2015 6:41 pm

Written October 6, 2011



I feel like writing something but I'm not sure what it is I actually wish to write. So here I am just writing to write, nothing really to read just a way to get my fingers moving and my words out. Writing has become a passion of mine but I seem to lack motivation most days and inspiration most of the time to write. Yet I have all these thoughts spilling through my head, ideas, things I'd like to say. So why is it that I can't seem to start off and write, let the words flow, my soul bleed onto the paper and say all I wish? Is it someone holding me back or is it myself? I know where I wish to go, where I need to go from here. I need my life. A life worth living in my eyes. Sadly to do so I need money and a job that offers me enough to accomplish the amount of money to pay bills and have more to go out and do things I'd like to do. Now to find a better job I need to be able to drive, yes I can't drive for those of you who did not know. So that is what I am doing now, attempting to get my drivers license and be able to adventure out more and live a life. The life I had planned is no longer there, it is gone. Some of you I am sure are aware of what it is I speak of, others may not. It is not my place though can be seen as my right to say what happened but I will not, for the basic and general concern, Nakari and I are over. We will never pick up what we had again do to certain reasons that can not be overlooked and forgotten. And yes I saw him as my life and future, now I need a new one to make and am attempting to do so. So for those of you who wonder what is wrong with me, why I seem so down or upset or angry. I have plenty of reason to be and am trying to figure myself out and move past it. To regain not who I was, but who I am to become on my own. I am no longer who I used to be and never will be again. I've learned a great deal in the last two years from everything I've been through and people I have met. I may not be the person you first met, I may not be as caring or thoughtful. Things have hardened me and closed me off to many things and people. I have very few I allow in anymore, even out of those who used to be so close to me. I trust less then I used to and hurt plenty. I'm tired of bickering, arguments and drama. If I don't like what you have to say I may say so or just plainly ignore you. If I don't respond it is due to I either have nothing to say or don't care to. If you don't like how I've become then you know how to remove me, shows you're not much of a friend anyways. I don't want your opinions or your advice on anything unless I ask for it directly. If I come to you ranting it is just that, to rant and get it out of my head and off my chest. Don't try to advise me on something I already know answers to. I didn't ask for it. I have those I care for and always will, even if they annoy me at times and attempt to argue my view point and opinion. You need to keep in mind though that it is my opinion, not something to be debated. Don't like it? I don't care, shut the fuck up and shove it down your throat. I'd prefer not to have to be rude to you directly the next time you attempt it. I've come to learn most who say they will always be there are only there when it is convenient to them and many will abandon you. Friendships grow apart and people have things to do which I understand, but I'm done with one-sided relationships, friendships or more. Do not expect me to be available to you if you are not the same to me. Do not expect me to agree with you on your opinion if you argue mine. I don't need false people around, life is not a popularity contest to me. I am content with those few that can sit with me and understand me completely rather then keeping those around who don't. I love. I love greatly and I have been hurt greatly. I trust few and give myself to even fewer. You may think you know me but you do not until you've shared part of me. Many of you I know for a fact do not like Nakari for how he has treated me and what he put me through, but I love him. I will never stop loving him so don't attempt to change that. I may not end up with him and I know he is bad for me most of the time as I am for him. But he understands me unlike many of you. That is why I hold onto him and still talk to him. -Big breath.- So I will say all this and ask you not to judge me for my choices if you are a true friend. Just understand as much as you can and understand you won't ever fully know me and may not even to the point that he does. I know only two people in this world that will understand me that way, him and another. And there are less then 10 others that will even near that comprehension, but they probably won't ever fully know or understand me as they think they do. So just let it be and try to understand all that.

I am a lover. I am a writer. I am an artist. I am selfish and selfless at times. I am a loner that longs to be loved. I know what it is to love and lose. I know how it feels to be heartbroken and to break hearts. I am passionate, loving, hateful, emotional, violent, tender, and so much more. You won't ever know who I really am though till you've share a soul like mine. I am lost in the darkness and am very aware of it. DO NOT say I am not when I know I am and what I was meant to do and how I have failed to do so. Just let it be. Let me be who I know I am and do not attempt to change that. Friends influence and change parts of who we are, but gradually and by being around, not by giving an opinion on who and how they think we can be. So let it be. I don't ask for comments and opinions on this journal, I just wanted to write something to be able to write. In the end though I hope to become a writer and for my name to live on, whether I use my real name or a pen name when I write my novels. I want to leave a mark that lasts like Marilyn Monroe or Jane Austen or Ernest Hemingway or William Shakespeare. I want a legacy of words. Yes I am aware Marilyn Monroe was not known mainly for her words, but her quotes live on with her influence. So I write and hope for inspiration to be more than just a journal. I feel like writing something but I'm not sure what it is I actually wish to write. So here I am just writing to write, nothing really to read just a way to get my fingers moving and my words out. Writing has become a passion of mine but I seem to lack motivation most days and inspiration most of the time to write. Yet I have all these thoughts spilling through my head, ideas, things I'd like to say. So why is it that I can't seem to start off and write, let the words flow, my soul bleed onto the paper and say all I wish? Is it someone holding me back or is it myself? I know where I wish to go, where I need to go from here. I need my life. A life worth living in my eyes. Sadly to do so I need money and a job that offers me enough to accomplish the amount of money to pay bills and have more to go out and do things I'd like to do. Now to find a better job I need to be able to drive, yes I can't drive for those of you who did not know. So that is what I am doing now, attempting to get my drivers license and be able to adventure out more and live a life. The life I had planned is no longer there, it is gone. Some of you I am sure are aware of what it is I speak of, others may not. It is not my place though can be seen as my right to say what happened but I will not, for the basic and general concern, Nakari and I are over. We will never pick up what we had again do to certain reasons that can not be overlooked and forgotten. And yes I saw him as my life and future, now I need a new one to make and am attempting to do so. So for those of you who wonder what is wrong with me, why I seem so down or upset or angry. I have plenty of reason to be and am trying to figure myself out and move past it. To regain not who I was, but who I am to become on my own. I am no longer who I used to be and never will be again. I've learned a great deal in the last two years from everything I've been through and people I have met. I may not be the person you first met, I may not be as caring or thoughtful. Things have hardened me and closed me off to many things and people. I have very few I allow in anymore, even out of those who used to be so close to me. I trust less then I used to and hurt plenty. I'm tired of bickering, arguments and drama. If I don't like what you have to say I may say so or just plainly ignore you. If I don't respond it is due to I either have nothing to say or don't care to. If you don't like how I've become then you know how to remove me, shows you're not much of a friend anyways. I don't want your opinions or your advice on anything unless I ask for it directly. If I come to you ranting it is just that, to rant and get it out of my head and off my chest. Don't try to advise me on something I already know answers to. I didn't ask for it. I have those I care for and always will, even if they annoy me at times and attempt to argue my view point and opinion. You need to keep in mind though that it is my opinion, not something to be debated. Don't like it? I don't care, shut the fuck up and shove it down your throat. I'd prefer not to have to be rude to you directly the next time you attempt it. I've come to learn most who say they will always be there are only there when it is convenient to them and many will abandon you. Friendships grow apart and people have things to do which I understand, but I'm done with one-sided relationships, friendships or more. Do not expect me to be available to you if you are not the same to me. Do not expect me to agree with you on your opinion if you argue mine. I don't need false people around, life is not a popularity contest to me. I am content with those few that can sit with me and understand me completely rather then keeping those around who don't. I love. I love greatly and I have been hurt greatly. I trust few and give myself to even fewer. You may think you know me but you do not until you've shared part of me. Many of you I know for a fact do not like Nakari for how he has treated me and what he put me through, but I love him. I will never stop loving him so don't attempt to change that. I may not end up with him and I know he is bad for me most of the time as I am for him. But he understands me unlike many of you. That is why I hold onto him and still talk to him. -Big breath.- So I will say all this and ask you not to judge me for my choices if you are a true friend. Just understand as much as you can and understand you won't ever fully know me and may not even to the point that he does. I know only two people in this world that will understand me that way, him and another. And there are less then 10 others that will even near that comprehension, but they probably won't ever fully know or understand me as they think they do. So just let it be and try to understand all that. I am a lover. I am a writer. I am an artist. I am selfish and selfless at times. I am a loner that longs to be loved. I know what it is to love and lose. I know how it feels to be heartbroken and to break hearts. I am passionate, loving, hateful, emotional, violent, tender, and so much more. You won't ever know who I really am though till you've share a soul like mine. I am lost in the darkness and am very aware of it. DO NOT say I am not when I know I am and what I was meant to do and how I have failed to do so. Just let it be. Let me be who I know I am and do not attempt to change that. Friends influence and change parts of who we are, but gradually and by being around, not by giving an opinion on who and how they think we can be. So let it be. I don't ask for comments and opinions on this journal, I just wanted to write something to be able to write. In the end though I hope to become a writer and for my name to live on, whether I use my real name or a pen name when I write my novels. I want to leave a mark that lasts like Marilyn Monroe or Jane Austen or Ernest Hemingway or William Shakespeare. I want a legacy of words. Yes I am aware Marilyn Monroe was not known mainly for her words, but her quotes live on with her influence. So I write and hope for inspiration to be more than just a journal.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://intoxicationvixen.forumotion.com
 
Just to Write
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Write a bad review and get a free advert
» How has technology changed the way you write?
» Timing Chain Write-up
» What Kind of Stories Do You Write?
» February: Ode to Dal - write Dal a poem!

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
IntoxicationVixen :: Real Life :: Creator :: Old Journal Entries-
Jump to: