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PostSubject: I Just Don't Get it   Sun May 31, 2015 11:40 pm

Written September 21, 2010


I just don't get it anymore. Why do I still care? I want it to stop, I can't do this anymore. Yet I can't force myself to walk away. Why do I keep torturing myself with more pain? I don't know anymore. I just wish I didn't have a heart sometimes. I can be fine, I can handle it, I breathe, I live and I start to move on. But a simple thought, song, word, it breaks me down. I don't even know what to say anymore or how to feel. You're no longer mine. You never were to begin with. You put me through the mill. You had me fall in love with you beyond my control, you fooled around on me, I forgave you, then you became distant and you used me. You lied to me. So why do I stay around? The false hope and thoughts of real love being true. No, I know that's not real. What I felt with you, yes it was, but now, this feeling is even more real. The realization that I was never yours to begin with, that you were never mine. I know where it will go. You'll marry her and have children. It's how it works isn't it? You make no sense to me anymore. You tell me all you do is fight with her constantly about things and how you don't see her ever moving to be with you. What was I? What did I mean? Did you even ever care how I was going to end up? You expect so much from me and return nothing. I don't ask for it either. I love you and it hurts. I just can't keep feeling this way, its not fair to me or anyone I try to be with. So here I sit, covered in tears once again over you holding back from telling me things. -shakes her head turning walking off into the shadows- And here I'll wait.
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